Saturday, June 21, 2008

Mother's Day (1980)


Director: Charles Kaufman

Starring: losers

More Info: IMDB

Tagline: I'm so proud of my boys. They never forget their momma.

Plot: Three young ladies get together for their annual dose of female bonding. This time, they're going camping, but they get abducted and brutalized by two demented hillbilly sickies and their loving mama. But that sure ain't the end of the story. Two of the ladies decide they're not going to stand for this sort of treatment, and hit back hard.



My Rating: 2/10

Would I watch it again? Hell, NO!

I've been meaning to do this for the longest time but I always forget. So I FINALLY remember to watch a holiday-themed horror movie on that holiday. So my friends and I watched MOTHER'S DAY on that day. What a piece of shit. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MOVIE HAVE TO DO WITH MOTHER'S DAY??? Nothing. I was pissed. Hell, I'm still pissed. I finally remember to show a holiday-themed horror movie and it turns out to have nothing to do with that holiday. Unfuckingbeliveable!!!

The first half hour introduces us to three women that had me struggling to give a rat's ass about. Seriously if you want to create tension, suspense, a great payoff then you have to invest in your characters to get the audience to care enough about them so that when they are in danger you actually, oh I don't know, CARE if they live or not! I didn't and I wanted them dead the moment they set foot in the woods. Now you'd THINK that I'd be a rootin' for the bad guys here. Well...

"Please die soon..."

They were as annoying if not worse the these women. The two stereotypically over-the-top hillbilly sons are vomit-inducing. I kept trying to put my fingers in my mouth only to have someone stop me in fear of retching all over them. These people are stupid as all get-out. I couldn't take it. Suddenly the movie shifts gears into a comedy. I have no problem with films doing that IF THEY'RE FUNNY. They torture the women but it's not even that cool because I didn't care about a single character AND it wasn't executed as well as it could have been.

When some of the girls finally escape I got a little excited for I knew this was the beginning of the end and then I could watch something else that, whatever it was, had infinitely better odds of being better than this fungus-covered turd. That was really the best part of the movie - knowing it was about to end.

"Durpty dooooooo"

In the final scene we do get a little surprise if you can call it that. It's like you ate a box of Cracker Jacks but they make you sick and as you're slouched over the toilet heaving your guts out you notice that, in your haste to eat, you must've eaten the prize because there it is in the middle of a toilet filled with your wretched diseased sick. Do you want it? Do you care? I don't think so.

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